In rural south west Washington, is the small community of Fargher Lake. Don't worry, no one else has ever heard of it either. All that is there is a small country store, a small town hardware store, and a "beer parlor" (tavern to everyone but my Gram). Two miles up the road on a hill, stands a sprawling Maple tree, and beneath the tree is my Grams' house. My second home. I spent every minute possible at my grandparents' home. I was the oldest of six children, and on a big farm that meant LOTS of responsibility. I loved my grandparents very much, and looked at their home as a sanctuary, where I could find a little privacy and a lot of love. They also had an inside bathroom, with a real bathtub, and Grandma had the good shampoo (not the cheap stuff Mamma bought), and bath talc that smelled of lilacs or honeysuckle. My Grandmother was a very special lady. I wish you could have known her. She taught me how to cook, and how to sew. That was so much fun. Gram used to work as a live in cook for a doctor in Portland when she was a girl, she was always very proud of that. Then she met my Granddad, and he was so handsome he swept her off her feet! They got married, had a small farm, raised 4 children, (including my mother) and were very happy. Granddad worshipped the very ground Gram walked on and she felt the same about him. I loved them both very much, and spent all the time I could at their house. My mother and I were not close until I was an adult, and Gram become my substitute Mom. We talked about everything. I used to love her tell the story of how her Dad stowed away in a flour barrel on a freighter, when he came here from Sicily! It seemed very romantic to me. Now it makes my back ache just to think of it! Gram used to let me sleep with a light on when I was afraid of the dark, and if I were really afraid, she would sit with me until I went to sleep. Momma didn't have much time to do those kinds of things. Granddad passed away when I was 10, and I started spending even more time with my Gram. You see she was crippled. She had rheumatoid arthritis, and had been on crutches since I was just a baby. I never knew a time that my Gram was without pain. But not one time in my entire life did I ever hear her complain about it. She had more grit and more guts than any other person I have ever known. She lived on aspirin, and prayers, but not once did she utter any words of complaint about how much she hurt. That would have meant that the disease had beaten her, and she was not going to let that happen. From the time she was 34 years old Gram spent her life on and off crutches and later on in and out of wheel chairs. I do remember there were periods of time when she could walk without assistance, but those times were short lived. I remember very clearly the day she took her last unassisted steps. We were at the cemetary, the day my oldest daughter was buried. Gram walked from the car to the graveside, and back to the car. It was May 13, 1976, 4 days after her 66th birthday. From that time until her death she was in a wheel chair. Gram lived on her own until she was 76 years old. Then she was a passenger in a car accident and broke her legs. She never did really heal well from that and ended up in a nursing home. She did real well for several years there. Then she was diagnosed with myasthenia gravis. A side effect of her arthritis, that effects your nervous system and the ability to do things like open your eyes, hold your head up, breathe. She got so bad that she could not lie down to sleep. She would sit up in her wheel chair and rest her head on a pillow on a bed table. If she were to lie down, she couldn't breathe. It finally caused her death.
Just before she passed away, I wrote this poem for her. I am not a poet, but it expresses the way I feel about her.
There is no cure for rheumatoid arthritis. It is a systemic disease, meaning that it affects the entire body. You don't just get it in your hands or your knees, you literally get it in every joint in your body. No one knows what causes rheumatiod arthritis, but it is known that more women get it than men. More than twice as many. It can be diagnosed through a blood test. It generally hits people in their early to mid 30's though that is not an absolute. There is juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. The early symptoms are general fatigue, soreness, stiffness of the joints, aching joints. It generally starts in the hands or feet, it usually affects both the right and the left sides. You may experience lumps that are called rheumatoid nodules. These are found just under the skin in areas like your elbows or knees, usually in places that receive pressure. If you suspect you may have arthritis, no matter what type, consult your dr. Do not wait. Take care of yourself. Eat healthy foods, control your weight, exercise regularly, and avoid jarring activities that can weaken joints such as ankles and knees. Stretch often. Rest sore joints, and treat them to moist heat twice to three times a day for 20 or 30 minutes. Take care of your body. It is the only one you get. Never in her life was my Grandmother ever described as weak. She had more intestinal fortitude than most women I know. She never backed down from an argument, in fact, she loved them. While I would NEVER say that my Gram was anything but a lady, I must say she would stand up and spit in the eye of the devil himself if she thought she was right! And I wish I had her courage. Gram, I know you are up there watching down on me, and that right now you have my little girl on your lap, and that you are taking care of her just like you took care of me. Rochelle is lucky Gram, not only is she well and healthy but so are you! You are able to run and play with her like you never could with me. I am sure you two are having a blast! Give each other hugs from me Gram, I miss you both. Happy Mothers Day Gram, and Happy Birthday too. I still love you the best! |
